I Can't Be Happy Unless... The Misery Of A Self-Selected Messiah

I Can't Be Happy Unless... The Misery Of A Self-Selected Messiah

I caught myself, red handed, up to my chin in misery, wallowing... yuck.

I had been depressed for two straight days. It wasn't someone else's feeling, it was mine allright. It sucks. I mean, literally, it sucks you dry, takes away your aliveness...

Yesterday I regretted that last week when I had a chance to get off the planet I didn't go. Today I started to contemplate jumping off from some high place...

At five I was repeating in my head: right behind this darkness is the light, waiting for me to call the bluff... What bluff. My life is over, no one wants what I have to offer, and therefore my life is wasted. Said my mind, and it all sounded noble.

Noble and miserable. I felt personally offended. Hm. This is familiar! I used to chuckle at that phrase... Just can't remember what was so funny about it!

Hey, there is another sentence right behind it: I can't be happy unless... Unless I can have it all, unless, unless unless.... This will be the next activator, good catch. The misery is starting to lift.

But what was I up to? Why did I start all this journey in the first place? I ask.

Oh, to find a way to effectively alter people's subconscious so they can get out of their misery and start making money, stop procrastinating, having fun... I answer my own question.

Oh, that? That's what I have been up to? I have accomplished that months ago! so what's the problem?

Hah, I got sucked into being the Messiah, I think! I don't even believe in a Messiah!

Let me get back to the original goal and start mining it.

World Transformation is not a good goal if it makes me miserable. Maybe the people feel that I self-selected for this Messianic role... and they don't like it.

Hey, that makes us two. I don't like it either.

We are at the end of the summer, and I haven't done anything summery!

It is not too late. I'll stat with looking out of the window of my tree-house of an apartment. Beautiful. The birds love to share it. The sky is blue behind the leaves. The church bells say 6 o'clock.

I am going to enjoy life as long as it lasts.
Play with the people that want to play with me.
The more the merrier.